


(Wanna Know) What Is Real

by Synnerxx



Category: Slipknot (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Car Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in a Car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21593362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: Joey and Jim come together after the press conference Slipknot gives about Paul's death.
Relationships: Joey Jordison/Jim Root
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	(Wanna Know) What Is Real

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleep_and_feel_no_pain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_and_feel_no_pain/gifts).



> for the tumblr prompt: For the Fanfic Trope Mash-up: Grief + First Kiss, DoubleJ Which will obvs be an AU from our verse, but... 😁
> 
> for raven bc this is her prompt and also literally everything is for her nowadays. 
> 
> happy thanksgiving, i guess? idk.

Joey grips the edge of the sink, watching the water swirl into the drain. He sighs after a moment and splashes his face again, the cold water a sharp contrast to his hot face. He’s managed to calm down enough after the press conference. There’s an aching hole inside of him now. He feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest, still beating. The hole gapes and bleeds and nothing eases the pain. He looks away from his red and swollen eyes, unable to look at himself anymore.

He turns off the faucet and grabs paper towels from the dispenser. He doesn’t know where anyone else has gone. Right now, he doesn’t really care. He tosses them away after drying off and leaves the bathroom, heading down the hall to the back entrance. He doesn’t know how long he’s been in here, but it feels like long enough for everyone to have left. He shoves open the heavy door, blinking in the bright sunlight. 

The parking lot is mostly empty, save for a couple of cars he doesn’t recognize and two he does. There’s his own, of course, and the other he knows because he can see an arm dangling out of the window and he knows those tattoos. He hesitates, watching the arm retreat back into the car for a moment to let its owner take a drag off the cigarette between the fingers. 

He can’t see Jim’s eyes through the windshield because of the angle they’re at, but he takes a deep breath and goes down the steps, standing in front of Jim’s car. 

Jim’s head turns towards him after a moment and he reaches over, opening the passenger door for Joey. 

Joey gets in and closes the door, looking at Jim. Jim stares out of the windshield, mechanically smoking his cigarette, silent. 

Joey knows that hollow look in Jim’s eyes all too well. He’d seen it reflected in the mirror not even ten minutes ago. 

A rising wave of misery threats to crash over Joey again. Jim continues to smoke, silent. The constant ache, sharp and pressing, demands Joey’s attention, but he’s already exhausted himself with it. He’s desperate to feel something, anything, else. 

His voice is soft when it breaks the silence. “Jamie.”

Jim blinks, eyes focusing again, flicking the cigarette out the window. He looks at Joey, eyebrow raised in question. Joey doesn’t use that nickname often. 

“I want….I want…..something…...I don’t know…..just something…..” Joey says finally, unable to articulate his need to focus on anything else. He just needs Jim to know. 

Jim stares at him for a silent moment before nodding, voice hoarse when he speaks. “I do too.”

“Something other than this awful emptiness inside of me. I need to…..to do something. To feel something else. Just for a little while.” Joey continues on, a hint of desperation in his voice. 

Jim nods a little, sighing. “I don’t know what to do.”

In this moment, Joey doesn’t think. He’s tired of thinking because all he can think about is Paul and how he’s gone and how he’s never coming back and he’s tired of thinking. He’s tired of feeling this crushing weight on his chest, the wave of misery that never ends, just back away enough to let him feel like he’s catching his breath before it crashes over him again and he feels like he’s drowning once more. 

He can see in Jim’s eyes that Jim is feeling much the same way, that same aching misery reflected in his bloodshot green eyes that Joey saw in the mirror. He knows that pain all too well and they share in it. They share it and maybe, just maybe, they can get each other through this. 

Joey doesn’t know why he’s turned to Jim out of everyone else in the band. Maybe it’s because Jim is the one still here. Maybe it’s because Jim is more sensitive about things than the others. Maybe it’s just because he’s Jim and he knows. 

Whatever the reason is, Joey doesn’t know it, but he doesn’t hesitate and he doesn’t stop to question his actions or even really give them a thought. He reaches out and cups Jim’s cheek in the palm of his hand, drawing him closer as he leans into him. He’s not sure what he’s anticipating, but the soft lips that part under his own in this gentle kiss isn’t it. It’s almost enough to have him crying again, but he doesn’t, just keeps kissing Jim.

Then it hits him like a punch to the gut that he’s kissing Jim. And Jim’s kissing him back. He doesn’t know why he thought kissing him would be a good idea or why he even thought of it at all, but here they are, kissing for the first time. He nearly pulls away from Jim, but then Jim’s fingers are sliding into his hair as the kiss deepens and he relaxes into it again. 

He means for this to be something else entirely. He means for roughness, for teeth and sharpness, for bites instead of kisses. He means for some kind of pain that would distract him from his broken heart, but he finds that he can’t do that to Jim. He can’t take his agony out on Jim because Jim is suffering with him. But maybe he can do this. He can soothe Jim’s heart and maybe his own in doing so. 

The kiss parts, both of them staying close, sharing the same breath. Jim doesn’t say anything. His eyes are closed and he pants softly. Joey stares at him, wondering if Jim will protest now, if he will leave him on his own. He doesn’t think he can handle that, so he pulls Jim into another kiss, this one deeper, but still gentle somehow. 

Jim makes a soft noise into his mouth and Joey swallows it greedily. It doesn’t stop the aching pulse that keeps time with his heart, but it does distract him and he’s thankful for that. He breaks this kiss long enough to work his way over the center console and into the backseat, tugging Jim along with him. He helps Jim crawl back with him, all long limbs and too much height. He pulls Jim’s shirt off and Jim lets him. He’s getting farther than he thought Jim would let him, if he’s honest. He wonders just how far Jim will let him go. 

His hands slide over Jim’s body as Jim blushes and looks self conscious, trying to hide away from Joey’s intense gaze. It adds another layer of hurt on top of the pain Joey already feels, the pain he’s trying to escape from for a little while. He reaches for Jim and finishes undressing him, touches soft and gentle. It’s the opposite of everything he thought this encounter would be. Not that he thought much about it, or at all, if he’s honest. But this softness and gentleness isn’t like him. Not to this level, but he doesn’t want more pain. He doesn’t want to deal out more pain to Jim either. They’re both suffering enough. 

Jim hesitantly starts pulling off Joey’s clothing, fingertips skimming over his skin softly. Joey shivers and watches Jim closely, some of that hollowness in his eyes fading as he explores Joey’s skin softly. It’ll come back later, Joey knows, but for now, they can lose themselves in each other and not have to worry about when the next wave of anguish is coming to pull them under. 

It’s cramped and sweaty in the back of the car. Jim’s hunched down over Joey on his lap, straddling him. Joey pulls him down for another kiss, full of fire and need. He can taste the pain on Jim’s tongue, and he does his best to ease it. Their bare cocks brush against each other and Jim gasps against his lips. Joey’s hands slide over Jim’s long back, feeling the knobs of his spine. 

Joey reaches up with one hand and presses against Jim’s lips until he opens his mouth for them. Joey thrusts his fingers in and out of Jim’s mouth, being careful not to hurt him or choke him as he does. He wants to bury himself inside of Jim in more ways than one, but this will do for now. He makes sure his fingers are nice and wet, pulling them out, dropping his hand down to Jim’s ass. 

Jim tenses against him and Joey pets him soothingly with his other hand. “Do you want to?”

Jim nods jerkily after a moment. Joey pulls back enough to look into Jim’s eyes, seeing his own need reflected back at him. He nods as well and pushes a finger into Jim. “Relax, Jamie.”

Jim cries out softly, shuddering at the sensation of something pushing into him. He clenches around Joey’s finger, not entirely unfamiliar with having something inside of him. He moans when Joey pushes another finger inside of him, cock twitching against his belly. 

Joey stares up at Jim as he works his fingers inside of him. He’s done this to women before, but never another man. Every flicker of Jim’s lashes, every soft noise he makes, Joey is fixated on. He pushes his fingers in deeper and feels Jim’s body jolt against his. He repeats the motion, stroking his fingers across Jim’s sweet spot, making him cry out. 

“Oh fuck! Right there, please….” Jim whines, cock slick with precome as he rocks down on Joey’s fingers. 

Joey brings his other hand up and slides it over Jim’s chest, wondering if he likes his nipples played with like a woman would. He pinches the hardened nub between his thumb and index finger and Jim moans loudly, jerking against him again. Joey moans softly at Jim’s reaction, his own cock demanding attention. He works Jim open a little more before sliding his fingers out of him. 

Joey listens to Jim’s soft whine as he slides his fingers out of him. He spits into his hand, stroking his cock for a moment to get it wet too. He grabs Jim’s hips, guiding him up onto his knees. One hand grips his cock around the base to hold it steady as he lets Jim sink down onto him. That tight heat wraps around his cock perfectly and he moans, forcing his eyes to stay open to watch the look of pleasure wash over Jim’s face as fills him up with his cock. 

Jim’s hunched over him, hands gripping the back of the seat as he shudders helplessly against Joey. Joey’s hands leave bruises on his thighs as he tightens his hold on him. There’s not much room for either of them to really get any leverage, but Jim shifts his hips and suddenly, Joey’s cock is pressing right up against his sweet spot. 

Joey rocks up into Jim as best he can, moaning softly as Jim grinds down onto him. They find a rhythm and fall into it together, whimpering and gasping. Joey drags Jim down into another kiss, feeling tears on Jim’s face. He wonders if he’s hurting him, but the noises of pleasure that spill from Jim’s mouth into his own say otherwise. 

Joey’s hands wander back across Jim’s chest, toying with his nipples again, pinching and rolling them between his fingers. The way Jim arches into him, crying out, makes his cock throb deep inside of Jim. He keeps doing it, teasing Jim’s nipples, fucking up into him at the same time. Their bodies slide together, covered in sweat, moving as if they’d fucked a hundred times before, despite this being the first time. 

A particularly hard pinch from Joey as Jim crying out, body tensing as his orgasm slams into him hard. He slicks their skin with his come, clamping down around Joey’s cock. Joey moans, that tight heat getting tighter and hotter around his cock. He rocks into Jim a few more times, feeling his muscles spasm around his length with his release as he follows Jim over the edge, filling him with his come as well. 

Jim slumps over Joey, trying to catch his breath as he basks in the aftershocks. Joey’s hands pet him gently. The silence is loud now, except for their panting breaths. 

Joey hisses as Jim rises up off of his cock after another minute, letting go of him. He doesn’t know what to say now and so he doesn’t say anything yet. He waits to see if Jim will break the silence first. 

Jim leans over into the front seat, opening the glovebox and getting out napkins. He hands Joey some and they clean up as best as they can. Joey sorts out their clothing and they squirm around, fitting back into their pants and shirts. It was much easier taking it all off. 

Instead of climbing back over the seats again, Jim gets out of the car. Joey hesitates and follows him after a moment. Jim leans against the door, staring down at the ground. 

“What do we do now?” Jim asks, voice soft. There’s tears in his eyes now. 

Somehow Joey knows he’s not asking about the sex. He’s asking about Paul. 

“I don’t know.” Joey says after a beat. 

Jim sniffles and swipes at his eyes, more tears falling down his cheeks. 

Joey reaches out to him, gathering him close, holding him as his own tears blur his vision. Jim tenses in his arms before relaxing again. There’s that wave again, pulling them both under, choking them with misery. 

Joey fights against it, pushing it down, finding comfort in Jim’s solid weight against him. He feels like he’s got a ray of hope now, a life raft in this ocean of torment. He hopes Jim feels the same way. He needs him now. 

“But we can do it together, Jamie.”


End file.
